Well, the last few days have been hectic. Spent the weekend with C. – it worked out with us not going to GW but that was ok. She had to take Teddy to the vet – it looks like he has developed cancer where his stump is and the mass is cutting off the circulation to his other legs. The vet does not think he has long. She asked of M and I would help him bury him when the time comes. I told her of course. I know it is breaking her heart. First her dog being killed and now losing another one. 

I got a FB message the other day from a friend which brought up a lot of awareness of a situation and led me to going ahead and going in and blocking M’s kids and ex. I feel guilty doing it but honestly they create more trouble for me and M then we need. I have been so angsty over our not having the relationship “I want” and being considered a member of their family and it does nothing but lead to a fight. And the thing is they are not my kids – and other than support him – there is really nothing I can do. I still feel bad though. I think that since I do not have children, I really had hoped we would be close. It hurts that it did not happen and as things are now, their mom has alienated them from their dad. what did I really expect for myself? The cycle has been going on since I moved to NC in 2011 and has not stopped. Slowly I have been disentangling myself from the situation and finally I just said screw it. I do not post what I want on FB bc I know Jo reads my posts through the kids account. and if I block one of them, I have to block all… Anyway…. It just seemed like the thing to do. Obviously, I am second guessing myself but again, it is bc I think they should act one way that they have never shown an inclination. It is hard… I swear it is like they come from a different planet. 

In other news, got caught up on my reading and exercises for the class and Fae sent me a really nice book by D. Paxton for an early bday gift. Wanting to catch up with some old friends for my bday this year. Needing to reconnect or something. Feeling lost from my roots lately.