dreams, meandering thoughts and confessions of an altered mind

Last night I awoke from a dream with the answer to a problem that had been plaguing me for a few weeks were a friend was concerned. I tried to make a note on my iphone but my fingers and mind were not fully cooperating. The more I woke up – the more the answer seem to fade. It made sense at the time of course. I am trying to piece the thoughts of it back together. I have been really frustrated trying to figure out how to get through to them things that I see clearly that they are struggling with. The dream’s message was that  rather than let myself get isolated by my lack of understanding, I need to embrace them and support their journey. ESPECIALLY since, I have walked in similar shoes.

In other news, I started a class last Sunday. I was a little apprehensive of what I was getting into and pleasantly surprised that while we all had different words for things, we were basically on the same page. When he picked me up and I told him how nervous I was, Mark told me that I did well to get out and go meet a bunch of new people AND talk in front of them. He is right. It was hard, especially considering the obstacles that I have had to overcome to be able to do so…

We were asked to explain a little about ourselves and why we were taking the class. I touched on the psychic attacks/mental abuse I underwent from 2002-2009. How do you explain that to people who do not know you without sounding completely insane? “Excuse me, I was brainwashed by someone I trusted and only found out after the fact that everything I believed to be true was completely fabricated soooo I had to throw everything I know away and peel my beliefs down to the beginning much like the layers of an onion and start over. Oh, and when all of this happened, my higher self decided to close out my conscious self so that I was protected from my other worldly encounters and workings.”

Yeah… Not so much an easy task. but I did manager to get out that I went through a bad divorce and had underwent psychic attack and felt like the crazy lady when I said it. I think my cheeks were red and I was flushed for the entire time I was there once I spoke.

Part of the exercises we are working on is daily journaling. It is one of the reasons, I decided to start this blog. It is easier for me to type in my downtime at work than to actually journal in a notebook. The first couple of exercises I have read all appear to be games that we played at Tapestry meetings and when we would have get togethers at the house. I really hate Erin cannot take the class with me. I remember us playing build the ball of energy and pass it around the room when I still lived at the condo in Brandon. Hard to believe that was over 12 years ago and here I am again.

I am trying hard not to let my ego get in the way of learning but it is hard when I have been actively studying shamanism, witchcraft, divination, dreams and spellwork for 23 years. I am just trying to keep an open mind and recognize this as an opportunity to learn a new way of doing what it is i do. There appears to be a lot of details in the work that I am not use to but I think that it is like switching gears to learn how to shoot a bow after years of throwing knives.